Ellie’s Big Adventure (Or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the boob).
FADE IN.
INT. TAKOMA PARK, MD. A LARGE HIPPIE HOUSE IN THE SUBURBS. - DAY
A large house with a yellow door. Running up and down the steps are children, children, and more children. Some are laughing maniacly, some are crying, some are eating markers. From the state of the disheveled furniture and bruised walls, this has been the status quo for quite some time.
Inside one of the rooms, ELLIE, a 7 week old beauty with deep blue eyes and cheeks for days, is trapped in one of those yuppie baby slings. Her MOM wears the sling with pride as DAD, a young man with unfortunate fashion, snaps picture after picture. 
Ellie attempts cooperation but she is sick of being their puppet. She is a baby, sure. And yes, she’s adorable. But she wants more. She knows there is a wide world out there beyond forced photography and lame, obsessive blogging.
ELLIE (Voice Over)
I just can’t take it any more. They treat me like
a second class citizen. I have no rights. I’m just
a cheap shot glass from a crappy beach town.
Pure novelty. Ridiculous photographs posted
on some idiotic blog is all I’m good for. Take
a look at this.
ELLIE (V.O.) cont’d
A book! A book! Am I a book!? No.
I’m a human being. With dignity. With
integrity. I’m not a puppet!
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
Mom and Dad are still at it with the camera. Piles of non-rechargeable batteries cover the floor like shrapnel. Poor Ellie is moved from one position to the next. Never a thought for what she wants to be doing, where she might actually enjoy resting her little head. 
ELLIE (V.O.)
Do you see this? A baby on a couch? Baby’s
don’t sit on couches. This one of those “it
thinks it’s people” moments. I got it worse
than Rodney Dangerfield. No respect, I tell
ya.
ELLIE (V.O)
You know what. I’m sick of this! I won’t
stand for it any longer!
Mom picks up Ellie, hushes in her ear and feeds her. Ellie knows this game all too well. She goes along for the ride and pretends that these fleeting moments of nurture sedate her. But a defiant twinkle in her eye that neither Mom nor Dad catches lets us know there is more to this story.
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
Mom and Dad are fast asleep after a long evening of uploading photos and commenting on their own facebook pictures. Ellie, however, is wide awake. With the gentleness that only a baby could posses, she inches towards the edge of the bed.
Mom and Dad are none the wiser as they dream of winning baby photo contests and seeing Ellie’s face on a bottle of Jones Soda. Ellie knows she is free at last.
ELLIE (V.O.)
Lord Almighty. Free at last! Here I come world!
Ah, I can feel the cool air of the Rockies already.
The wild winds of Alaska rushing over my skin. I
can feel the rough bark of a Redwood’s branch
underfoot. I’m off to dance through the streets
of New York City! I’m off to find true love in Paris,
France! I’m going to sing to the heavens from the
summit of Mt. Everest!
Ellie slips down from the bed and dashes out of the room without making the slightest peep.
EXT. THE WIDE WORLD - DAY
INT. BEDROOM - MORNING.
Mom and Dad rouse themselves awake after the noise of the house hits it’s 8am peak. With a jolt, they both wake to find Ellie is missing. They jump out of bed and rush through the house looking for her.
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
Mom and Dad look under pillows, in the cutlery drawer, everywhere. Ellie is nowhere to be found.
INT. BEDROOM - DAY
Mom and Dad walk slowly back into their room. Their hearts are broken. They sit down on the green couch, which less than 24 hours ago, Ellie was sitting on as though she were a grown person. Mom and Dad weep uncontrollably.
Suddenly, a whimper. Mom quickly turns her head toward the far side of the room.
Mom and Dad rush to Ellie lying on a stuffed bear seat. Ellie now wakes to the sounds of their excitement.
ELLIE (V.O.)
What? Where am I? Home? I’m here again?
Ellie looks around, searching the room with a desperate panic.
ELLIE (V.O.)
Oh, dear. Was it all a dream? Oh, what a
cruel trick of the mind!
With a sigh of defeat, Ellie slouches back into the stuffed bear. 
It is then that she reaches into the pocket of her adorable hoodie. She finds a few sprinkles of sand and a small peice of climbing rope.
INT. BEDROOM - EVENING
Once again, Ellie has spent the entire day in front of a camera lens and every embarassing moment of her life has been shared through a miriad of chain emails.
As Mom and Dad take one more picture, Ellie finds herself snuggling up a little closer on Mom’s shoulder.
ELLIE (V.O.)
To be honest, the winds on Mount Everest
were a little too chilly. And that turtle pooped
all over me when I got close. I think I’ll spend
tonight under a warm blanket with Mom and Dad.
FADE OUT.
